Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

Photo Credit: Eva Lin Photography

Maybe you've noticed my absence on most of social media. Maybe you have not. But apart from a post here or there, I have largely spent time away from Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and my blog. It's no coincidence that my last post was about a book that I said was changing my life. It truly did. It has. It still very much is. Present over Perfect made me step back - from social media, from my clutter, from the everyday frantic chaos I have created and lived in for the majority of my life and has made me re-evaluate. Re-evaluation of one's life is totally overwhelming, anxiety-inducing, question-producing, and frankly, kind of hard. But it's what I've been doing. On top of it all, I've been unexplainably sick. Sick to my stomach, exhausted, debilitated, nauseous, dizzy, with vertigo-like symptoms that have knocked me out and left me in bed for much longer than I've admitted to anyone - conjuring up memories and similarities of when I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease years ago (one that has been largely in check for so long). To feel a downward spiral in my health lately is emotionally taxing to say the least, on top of the physical symptoms that persist.

So I apologize - for my absence, for my unpredictability and unresponsive nature. Maybe it is no coincidence that I am experiencing these overwhelmingly physical symptoms at the same time that I am experiencing a turn in my life professionally and mentally. My love still remains strong for my wonderful boyfriend, my family, and my friends closest to me - but there needs to be a change in some aspects of my life, and I am in the process of transitioning from one venture to another. No wonder I'm feeling dizzy and exhausted, right?

The Book That Is Changing My Life

I love to read. Instead of long stories, with plot twists and characters and timelines and such, I thoroughly enjoy reading books that will help me in some way. I don't read to escape - although an awesome reason to read - I read to improve some aspect of my life that I know needs some fixing. I love a self help book, or a true story, or a recount of someone's mistakes and how they fixed them so that I too can make changes in my life, business, and work. But, lately, and especially in my world of yoga teaching, there is a surge of books on abstract ideas like manifesting, and attracting, and healing one's self through energy work alone, that I'm not connecting with as I did before. As I've stated in previous posts, I have become disenchanted with this world of coaches and leaders and teachers talking in this realm of intangible because of where I am in my life. I need hard evidence right now. I need the acknowledgement of the sludge and the dirt and the grit of life, and I need to see the triumphs of the changes taking place. I need to not coat words in sugary sweetness in order to make them pretty. I want the stories of women and men who were in the trenches and came out renewed by making real, tangible choices and changes.

What to do When You're Waiting

Waiting kind of sucks, right? Whether we're waiting for the right job to come, or the right guy to show up, or the purpose of your life to become clear, or the perfect home to buy - waiting is the worst. To make matters harder to bear, we feel ready - so ready - for that thing, that person, that path to show up; we've done the work, we've got lots to offer, we just need that missing component. But the thing about these big life happenings, is that we can't force it - but we usually try. I have some experience in waiting - and well, I know it's the worst - so I've had to develop some coping skills because I'm sort of the worst at the wait.