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| Photo cred: Eva Lin Photography |
Whether you've lost your college roomie to graduation, or you're single for the first time in forever, or the last of your single friends has found their soulmate, there's no doubt that weekends can be tricky to navigate. What do you do? Where do you go? The hardest thing for me at first was coping with weekends alone because I was so used to having a built-in "plus 1" for everything. I was convinced that when I went somewhere alone, everyone could see my sadness, my loneliness, my "without". I began this strange thought process that everywhere I went I did not belong, even if I'd been to these places a thousand times before. It took time for me to break free from that weird thought process, and I reminded myself of this little quote below every time I went somewhere and felt bad or out of place. It became a mantra of mine when I was walking towards the door of anywhere: "I belong here. I belong here. I belong here". Fake it 'til you feel it, baby!
After some practice, I learned that the weekends were actually kind of awesome and that doing things alone is pretty relaxing. I did the leg work for you the past few years and can recommend some things. Maybe they're hard at first - but that's normal. Remind yourself that new things are scary sometimes, and you're learning - and you'll get better! And soon, you may find that you rather enjoy your own company.
So - in no particular order, here are some things I found to be quite soothing on my newly single weekends:
- A day of pampering
Yes, it may be a little expensive, but totally worth it. Save up some money and line up a nail appt, a facial, a massage, a pedicure, or something more. Spa personnel expect you to be alone when you come in, and they know you're there for relaxation. They won't ask you about your weekend plans, or bother you with excess talking. It's a safe haven! Hint: Sign up for spa and salon email blasts. They always have holiday promos on services. When you see one you want, buy it for yourself and go! - Visit a book store
Not a reader? That's ok. Try it. You never know what you may find with some extra time on your hands. Get a coffee, walk the aisles. Pick up a magazine and sit down in one of those comfy chairs and forget to look at your phone or your watch. - Find an art show or festival
While you may have never noticed it before, there are tons of people there by themselves. Whether they are there alone because their kids are at soccer and there's a break in their day, or they have been employed to find the best art piece for a client, or they just like to look at art alone - lots of people are by themselves. If you're uncomfortable, make up a story for if anyone asks what you're doing while you're browsing their booth. Tell them you're looking for just the right gift for your friend, or you're an event planner and in search of the perfect art piece for an event. So many people are there living their own story. Yours won't sound weird and you won't stand out, I promise! - Hit the mall
Treat yourself to a fancy tea blend at Teavana or grab one of Starbuck's limited holiday flavors, or buy a giant pretzel from one of the stands and browse your favorite stores. Even when I was married, I LOVED hitting the mall alone. You can shop at your own pace, and you won't stand out (my favorite thing when I was navigating weekends alone). - Volunteer
Do you have a soft spot for animals in your heart? Or love children? Or do you like to work with your hands and build things? There are tons of organizations that need your help. Use one of your weekends to stop into an animal shelter, a children's organization, or a place like Habitat for Humanity, and ask how you can get involved. Ask to take a tour of the facility and take pamphlets with you when you leave. Spend the rest of your day, grabbing a coffee (see a pattern here? I love coffee!), and mulling over the information you received while visiting. Decide if it aligns with your beliefs, and if so book some future weekends to be trained on how to help and then help! When you're at your lowest nothing builds you up like helping someone else in need. - Get a part time job
After a while, I found that I wanted to make more money and buy a house of my own and move out of my parents' basement, so I found a job that paid well on the weekends - bartending! Working towards the goal of buying a home made weekend shifts kind of exciting, and it was an awesome distraction from my sometimes unwanted "alone time". - Attend a workshop
(bonus if it's a long term thing that takes up lots of weekends). What have you always wanted to do that you've never done? Paint? Yoga? Cook? Build? Whatever it is - set aside designated time to research where you can work on this potential hobby. Make it an event. Head to a coffee shop, or a bakery or a cafe and grab a treat and sit down with your laptop and browse websites. Find places in your area that are offering weekend classes or workshops that you want to learn from and sign up. The cool thing about things like these is that when the day comes to go to your workshop or class you will feel some nervousness probably - because that's normal - and feeling those nerves is a nice distraction from your sadness. Sometimes nerves are a good thing! Feel them and then do it! You'll love how you feel afterwards. (In my free weekends, I signed up for yoga teacher training. It was never on my radar before my divorce, but it was the best thing I have ever done. It filled up MONTHS of weekends, I made lasting friendships, I learned a skill, and became a teacher! Nothing is impossible or crazy unless you say it is.) - Organize/clean
yeah, I know - this sounds boring, but damn it feels good. I used one day every weekend to strip my bed and clean my sheets and generally clean the basement where I was living. Light a candle, play music, open the windows, and get to cleaning or organizing - make it an event. It feels so good to begin the week with a fresh start. Make it part of your routine. - Join a gym/yoga studio/crossfit company
This is an awesome way to meet people in a really non-intimidating way. You don't HAVE to talk to anyone, but you can. You have the option of popping in your headphones and shutting out the world, or you can slowly make a friend or two - and hey, maybe stack your weekends with some friend-time eventually. - Go see a movie
I almost didn't want to put this one because it seems overdone, but really a movie is an awesome place to cry it out and wallow it you're feeling like you need a day to do that. Tons of people hit the theatre alone because it's relaxing. Plus, it's dark so cry all you want. (Full disclosure: I'm not a movie-watcher. I get antsy. So this is the only thing on this list I did not do.) - Binge watch a show or a series of movies
This was, and still is, a favorite of mine. Go to the grocery store, get special snacks that you don't normally have all week, grab your favorite blanket, put on your comfiest clothes, and settle in for a day of doing nothing. Make it an event! Don't feel guilty. - Take a hike
Explore your local parks. Take your dog for a walk. Don't have a dog? Borrow one! Chances are, you know someone that is busy and has a dog that needs some energy run off. Dogs are a great way to not feel alone and they are always appreciative of extra time with someone. - Set a goal and achieve it
Maybe this is the year you take up running. Look around and find a local 5k coming up and then figure out if you have time to train for it. If so, find an app on your phone that helps you set a training schedule and then stick with it. Maybe build up to a half, or full, marathon. - Start a business
Yeah I know - sounds crazy - but I actually did this. What do you like to do that you could sell? Are you good at organizing? Help your friends and family organize their life and charge for it. Can you make jewelry? Start selling it! Do you like to write? Start a blog. - Grab some coffee or a drink
Ok, so for a long time, eating out alone, or sitting at a bar alone was a big deal - I couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't feel strong enough. So, if this feels out of your comfort zone - don't stress. No one is making you do these things, but eventually maybe you give it a try. I did, and now I don't ever think twice about it. When I'm shopping or running a million errands during a day, instead of stopping at a fast food drive through, I will go in a place and sit at the bar and have a healthier meal - like a salad, or something like that. It's great because eating fast food drive-through stuff isn't totally healthy and your car gets really messy if you're like me. Plus - the reason I really like doing it - is that it's a break in my busy day. I don't have to talk to anyone or entertain anyone. I am there to eat and enjoy my food. I try to put down my phone too and just focus on the task - nourishing my body and relaxing. It's ok if you need to rely on your phone the first few times you do this - that's normal. But I promise you - as a bartender who sees this every single day, multiple times a day - you are so not alone. Again - if you need to make up a story of why you're there, then do that. Say you're on your lunch break from work - this is super common - or your kids are at soccer practice and you have time to kill. Whatever it is, create a story if it makes you feel better.
Most importantly, whatever you do, make it an event. Designate the time. Set it up like a date with yourself, no matter how silly you think it sounds. Take a shower, get dressed - even if it's in your Thunder Shirt - and most importantly remember: You are not alone in being somewhere alone. I know it feels weird, I know it's foreign, and not always comfortable, but remind yourself you are learning how to be alone, and it really will become a useful skill.
*I have done all these things by myself on a weekend and I still do these things at times by myself - not because I have to anymore, but because I want to. One day you'll be in the midst of a chaotic weekend of crazy plans with friends and family and you'll wish for nothing more than a day by yourself to go to the book store or get a massage.
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