After my ex-husband left our marriage, I was forced to move into my parent's basement with little left to my name except 2 suitcases full of clothes. I slept in my sister's bed and my two cats and one dog, all slept in that room too. We had very little, but we were safe. At the time, the thought of just opening my suitcase to pick out something to wear induced tears - big tears - the kind that splash when they meet a surface, and there was really no telling when they'd end. Every piece of clothing reminded me of my old life, so I took to wearing my sister's sweatpants around the house most days, and buying a piece of clothing here and there if I really needed it. That's how I found my Thunder Shirt.
So - side note: What's a Thunder Shirt, you ask? Ok, so Thunder Shirts are these things you buy for your dog when they have anxiety. See above picture of Ryley wrapped in her Thunder Shirt for reference. Isn't she so cute?! They are designed in a way that they velcro in just the right spots to create light pressure around the dog to calm them. The mere feeling of the fabric hugging them, creates a sense of calming. I can attest to these working, as Ryley loves her Thunder Shirt. She hates fireworks, so I always swaddle her in this thing when they start going off around our house, for holidays and what not. Just the sight of her Thunder Shirt gives her a bit of relief as she runs to let me put it on her. She's a particularly antsy dog, so the fact that she sits relatively still to get dressed in her Thunder Shirt speaks for itself.
I was walking through TJ Maxx about 2 weeks after my world fell to pieces, in a general daze - as was par for the course now when I was awake and someone had coaxed me out of the house - when I grabbed a piece of clothing off a rack and mumbled "I'm buying this." It was a gray boys' sweater with a big collar and one button that served no purpose at the base of the collar. It was undoubtedly in the wrong place, as I was walking through the women's section of athletic clothing. It was hanging there at the front of the rack as if it were waiting for me. I don't think I've ever made a decision that quickly before then, and I'm unsure if I'll ever make one that fast again. I didn't care to try it on, I didn't care that it was for a boy. I didn't care that it really wasn't that fashionable. I didn't care, because I didn't care - about anything. It looked comfortable. It looked calming. It looked like something I could live in for the next few months. And it was inexpensive. Perfect.
(I avoided pics when I was going through my divorce, so this is the only one I have of me in my Thunder Shirt)
This little gray sweater became my safe haven. And honestly, I wasn't really expecting it to. But, it was new. It wasn't connected to my old life, my married life. It was a bit oversized - so I could hide, and it was so warm - perfect for the winter that was approaching fast. I wore it everywhere - to yoga, to the grocery store, upstairs, and downstairs, and in the basement - so pretty much the only places I went. When I took it off the hanger in my sister's closet, I felt just a tiny bit calmer. And when I put it on, I felt like I might make it. I'm not totally sure why, and I'm not totally sure how - but this boys' gray sweater was just like Ryley's little gray Thunder Shirt and I'm convinced that everyone needs one.
Now I don't think you're going to find yourself this particular Thunder Shirt at TJ Maxx, as this was over 3 years ago, but you can find something similar and here's why. You're going through something - right? Something doesn't feel right in your life, that's why you're here. Or maybe you're just reading to prepare yourself for when things do go sideways. Remember this. After a divorce, or while dealing with depression (whether situational or long-term), or once the dust settles from the death of a loved one - you are going to need something that makes you feel ok. Something that makes you feel warm, and safe, and calm - and it can't always be another person - often times that person is gone. And it can't always be you - sometimes you just don't feel strong enough to talk yourself out of the mood you're in. And, hey - that.is.ok.
The "lifestyle" section of this website is for things like this. Mentally, we can prepare ourselves, we can pep talk ourselves, we can repeat all the words in the world to make us feel better - but the physical - sometimes that's what we really need. Sometimes we need something physical to signal to our brain that we are going to make it - even if it means we're just going to make it through today. We can conquer tomorrow later. Lifestyle choices are just as important as the mind and the body work. Physical lifestyle items, like your own Thunder Shirt, are what's going to make that extra difference. The thing that takes the day from "I can't do this" to "eh, maybe. Maybe I can get out of bed today"- and when you're in the low valley of despair, just that little improvement is HUGE.
Yeah - I know it sounds crazy, but I promise it works. Find a piece of clothing gives you all the things you need right now. I needed to hide. I needed to feel warmth because the way my marriage fell apart was so cold. I needed security and safety, and to feel a little invisible. My Thunder Shirt served all those purposes. It was the one thing I didn't have to think about each day, and that alone, made it worth while. When you're in the throes of defeat, or loss, or sadness, you don't need to make decisions. You need safe. You need secure. You need a Thunder Shirt.
Don't think too hard. Don't spend too much. Just get one.
TRUTH!
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