I struggled today to write. I sat here at this computer for 3 hours writing and re-writing. I felt pressure, so I looked for inspiration. I turned on the tv. I turned off the tv. I looked at Pinterest. I X-ed out of Pinterest. I wrote 3 articles. I deleted them. I saved one. I scrapped the rest. I felt worried. I ate food. I talked to Ryley. I did some laundry. I struggled to write today.
I have reached record highs with my page views on this site in the past week and I celebrated. I gave myself a pat on the back, I got some awesome feedback from the ones I love the most, and I felt really good. And then I felt nervous. Can I produce another blog post that will make you want to click? Will the next picture I post get a good reaction or will it fall flat? Will my words resonate with you and make you feel more at peace (my goal of this whole thing)? Will I fail?
With Pinterest boards full of click-bait pictures that say things like "Be better than you were yesterday" and "don't let the weekend be a weakness" and a bunch of other pretty pics that are supposed to motivate - it's easy to get caught up in being the best version of you. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when you aren't at your best - when you're in the midst of life's storms, or you're feeling all the doubt. Some days it's not perfect. Some days we're off our game, we're a little scattered, and we're not our best. Some days, I really do look like the top picture: showered, put together, confident and writing without distraction. Other days - most days - I look like the picture below: messy hair, pajamas, no makeup, and under-eye bags that brought their own bags (and I'm not talking about the girls you see on Pinterest with "no makeup", posing with their cute PJs on). Some days I do my best writing in my messy state. Other days, I am killing' it with a full face of makeup. There's no prediction with writing, just as with life. There's not always a constant. Most days, the conditions aren't perfect and life isn't all that you see on social media. Anyone who tries to sell you a different story is lying. I'm not writing my blog in a field of flowers, and I'm pretty sure there's a hot sauce stain on my hoodie from breakfast that I ate at noon. Life is messy and complicated and it's a run-on sentence sometimes (ahem). It's not a Pinterest board and it's not a Facebook album, and it's not an Instagram collage. Life is real and so are you.
And maybe if we took a second to realize that, we'd understand that we don't have to be better than the person we were yesterday, every day. We don't have to have record-setting days every day. And we certainly don't have to look put-together every day. Maybe it's ok to have an off-day, to be scared, or nervous, or under-confident. Maybe it's just about trying, about showing up even when the storms are raging and the conditions aren't perfect. Maybe it's ok to write and re-write your day, and use the eraser on your pencil, and the delete key on the keyboard, and to scrap the pictures from the weekend, and to pat ourselves on the back for just showing up with hot-sauce on our hoodies.
Be easy on yourself this weekend. Show up even when it's not perfect. And screw the Pinterest quote that keeps haunting you.
Sincerely,
Me (the real me)
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