Why is Creating Change So Hard?

Labels are awesome. They are, for all intents and purposes of this blog, a way that we define ourselves to make it easier for us and for others to understand who we are. They help us quickly get across who we are in conversations, and can be self-given, or given to us by others. For that reason, labels can be good and bad. They can be things we want, or things that we hate and would never want to be associated with. They can be false, or they can be glorified. They can help and they can hurt. But perhaps the biggest issue, is the complexity of giving up a label, or changing a label, or knowing that a label no longer fits us but being unsure of how to get out of it, scared to shed that layer of ourselves. If only labels were as easy as those stickers that we wear to networking events that say "Hi, my name is..." Those fall off before we even make it home usually.

Labels, essentially, are the words that come after "I am". They can be extremely basic in nature: I am female. I am straight. I am a Pajan. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a girlfriend. I am a home-owner. They can be job descriptive: I am a yoga teacher. I am a bartender. I am a blogger. I am a business owner. I am Solshine Strands. They can be emotionally or physically descriptive labels, often given by others: I am calm. I am an introvert. I am healthy. I am strong. I am kind. I am happy. And they can be destructive: I am fat. I am ugly. I am lazy. I am a quitter. I am a loser. I am a loner. I am forever-single. I am unwanted. Labels run the spectrum from good to bad, flexible to fixed. They can serve us and they can destroy us because we become attached to these labels. And, when we want to change labels, or alter a label, we often feel stuck, unable to do so, scared and fearful that we don't deserve the label, or are just faking it.

Think about when you did something new, like tried running (something we all have tried one time or another). I ran for a few months, trying to build stamina and force myself to like it. Because I was slow, and often walked part of my route, and because I kind of hated it, and because I'd never actually run a 5k or a half or a full marathon, I never said the words I am a runner. I felt I was an imposter. I was a fake. A fraud. A phony. I didn't earn that title. That label "runner", it was reserved for the people that could run a mile without feeling like they were going to die. It was for the friends on Facebook that posted pictures of themselves wrapped in what looks like tin foil after the Pittsburgh marathon. It was for the people that had real running shoes, and a playlist to amp them up, and a goal that was more than "just make it through one mile". It wasn't for me. But that was a lie. I was running - so I'm pretty sure that makes me a runner (or made me a runner - I don't run anymore ha). As a yoga teacher, I often hear people saying to me "well, I can't do a headstand, so I'm not like 'a real yogi'". False - do you go to yoga, or practice some form of yoga at home? Yes? Then you are a yogi. You are not a fake. You are not a phony. You are a yogi. But you understand - you get that labels can be tricky. Sometimes we aren't sure how to go about creating a new one. We are scared that others will see us as imposters, or failures.

Fear of failing, or fear of being seen as a fake. How often have you wanted to try something new and been terrified that people would say "who the hell does he/she think they are?! They can't possibly do that!" Call it the old grade-school cafeteria fear, or call it whatever you want, but most of us are still living in that mentality that we can't be what we want to be because someone might mock us. Someone might call us out in front of the entire cafeteria, and reveal us for who we "really" are: a fake runner, a girl whose thighs are rubbing together as she slowly jogs her way down the neighborhood, eyes fixed on the stop sign that's she's promised herself she'd get to before she walks, as the real runner flies by with ease, sweat falling from her toned legs, sporting actual running shorts. We don't want that. We don't want our social-media society to laugh behind their computers and tell their friends about our new journey, our new label, our new venture. We will do almost anything to not be judged. We will stay with labels that no longer serve us, labels that are often killing us inside, or at the very least keeping us stagnant just to avoid provoking the question "just who does she think she is?".

We'll stay in an unhealthy relationship for fear of being seen as a failure in our marriage or for fear of being seen as single, unwanted, unloved - even if getting out of that relationship would save us mentally, or physically. We are scared of what people will think if we make that change, but often we are scared to make a big change, because we are passing judgement on ourselves. We are scared to start a new job because we've always been "insert label here". It's scary to go from saying "I am an event planner" to "I am a bartender". What if people think I am dumb, or stupid, or that I don't know how to make a Manhattan? What if people ask me why I am no longer an event planner? What if people think I was fired?! I went through those questions and side note: I didn't know how to make a Manhattan (now I do!). Labels, regardless of if we no longer want them, are scary to change and add. We are taught that longevity in a relationship and a career and a home are noble, honorable, desired. We are taught that length of time is equal to amount of stability. Because of this outdated thinking, we often think that longevity of a label means we are successful. So we hang on to those suckers as long as we can, to our own detriment at times.

Lately, I have been craving a change. I have felt like a snake that is stuck in their old skin. I have been desperately trying to shed this old skin, this old layer, some old labels - but I am scared, fearful of what you will all say. Will you think I failed at Solshine, if I shut down my jewelry-making business? Will you see me as stupid if I decide to no longer sell bracelets? Will you laugh if I tell you that my heart lies with animals, and wanting to help them? Will you think I am crazy when I start a pet-sitting and dog-walking business? Will you? Tell me. Because I think my own fears of what you will say are worse than what you may actually say. But there it is. There, I've said it. Solshine Strands is, WAS, everything I needed. It was real. It was heartfelt. It was my saving grace in a time when I had very little. It taught me what to do - but more importantly, it taught me what I didn't know, and needed to learn, in order to run a successful business. It schooled me in life and it gave me purpose. It was a good idea, one I never meant to even create. Every strand was, and still is, made with love. But, it is no longer where my heart lies. It had flaws from the start, kinks that I am forever working to fix, from ignorance in beginning a real live business. My brain has been elsewhere, my marketing has been shoddy, my heart has been on to the next. So it is time. In the coming month, I will sell off my inventory, running specials soon, to liquidate inventory and change directions. My biggest fear is that you will think I have failed. But my intuition - my heart - tells me that it is time. I cannot be everything, and some labels have to go in order to pave the way for new. And pave the way is just what Solshine did.

Having some experience in opening an LLC, and the behind-the-scenes business stuff that goes along with that all, has paved the way for me to focus my attention on creating my new venture: taking care of the four-legged fur balls in the world. For my entire life I have been rescuing animals from baby birds infected with worms (sorry Mom!), rabbits with broken legs, cats with no homes, and dogs who've been kicked out of their family for misbehaving - I have helped every one that has allowed me to bring them into my home (sometimes a little bit against their will at first - sorry fur babes, it's for your own good!). At a young age, I was on a first name basis with the people at the wildlife rescue league, and into adult hood I served as a volunteer at the animal shelter, spending hours with animals that were not my own. My only rule before each day at the shelter was that I had to ensure my own pets were happily loved on and exercised before I went and did the same for the fur balls in the shelter. Some of you know that I quit my full time, corporate job, because leaving Ryley (my golden retriever) at home for 13 hours a day felt wrong. But what about all those people who cannot quit their jobs for their pets? There's got to be some sane people - people who don't just jump ship because of their four legged family members. How could I serve them? And what about the pets that were special, like my own. "Special" in that they make themselves sick with anxiety when I go on vacation and put them in a kennel (a nice kennel, at that!). What about the animals that are elderly, like my Ryleygirl, who is sensitive to loud noises and feels over stimulated by multiple dogs at kennels? What about the cats that give themselves urinary tract infections at the mere thought of being placed in a car to be taken care of by a family member while their humans are on vacation? Are there other dogs, like Ryley, that have a fear of walking on pavement and have to be taken to a trail in the woods, away from cars and other dogs? My gut tells me there are animals like my own and that there are other humans just like me. Humans that look into those puppy and kitty eyes each day as they close the door for work, remorseful and sometimes regretful that they will be gone for so long - guilt-ridden when they have to ask family or a neighbor to help them let their dogs out, or feed their cats. Humans that avoid vacations or long trips because they have no one to look after their beloved four legged family members. Humans that come home from said long day to a maniacal animal that is SO EXCITED to see them, but all they want to do is sit on the couch and space out - not walk the dog a couple miles (it's ok to admit that. All pet owners feel that way some day or another.) Humans with pets that mean everything to them but humans with lives that are required to pay the bills and live. Surely, I am not the only one, right?

So here I go. (Deep breath) I am in the beginning phases of creating my service-offerings, my schedule and pricing, and creating my website for my pet sitting/dog walking business. I am in the process of acquiring insurance for my business, and learning techniques to better serve you and your pets. I am moving forward with an idea that feels exciting and a little scary! My labels are changing and maybe you will ask yourself just who I think I am to take off my old label and make this new one, but that's ok. Really all I hope is that you'll think about me as you book your vacation or leave for an extra long day at work, and need someone to look after your pet. But first - I need your help. In order to truly serve you and your pets in the absolute best way possible, I would love if you would give me 5 minutes of your time and fill out this survey, jut by clicking the link below. Maybe I will find that this is not something that I should move forward with because there is no need, or maybe I will find just the opposite. Maybe I will fail in that I won't gain enough customers to make this a full-time thing. Or maybe I will just be able to do what I really want: to give love and play time to your pets, while giving peace of mind to you, their humans. Maybe you will mock, maybe you will laugh, maybe you will think I'm crazy, maybe you will think this is as unglamorous as can be. But maybe is no place to live for me. Thank you in advance for your help. I have an incredible support system of people that build me up so high I could die from the fall if they weren't there to catch me, but I need some feedback from my target demographic - the people with pets. So to you, I say thank you in advance for reading this and taking my survey, at the link below.

5 Minute Survey that will help me SO much!!

Read When Your World is Falling Apart

There are moments in life that don't skip over any of us. The moments when life stops and we're sure that we can't make it. The moments when bad news comes in one form or another - impending, or actually happening. Sometimes the threat is worse than the event. The anticipation, the waiting for the other shoe to drop, the health to fail, the marriage to end, the bank to call, the creditors to knock, the house to foreclose - the wait is worse. Or even worse it often feels, when we have so much to be happy for, yet we cannot find a way out of the dark. We're left uttering words like, I cannot do this. I won't make it. I don't know how I'll keep it together. I'm going to break. I'm going to fall. I just can't. There's no way. But there is. And you will. And you are.

Your chest is rising. Your chest is falling. Your heart is beating. Your eyes are opening. You may not feel like you can do this. You may not feel like you will survive the fallout. You may wonder if this is the end. But it's not. And while I hate the saying "you've survived 100% of your worst days ever", it's true. You have a success rate of 100% of handling all that life throws your way. There are no points for grace. There is no A+ for looking good while surviving. There is no score-card tallying how well you're doing. There is only one thing that matters - that you are doing this. You are making it. You are surviving, and you will continue to. 

You don't need to look like that person you know who went through something similar. You do not need to make beauty out of darkness. You don't even have to look for the light in the darkest of days. You need only to breathe. There is no guide. There is no roadmap. You owe no one an explanation. You are expected to give no apologies for looking, or acting, or feeling the way you are. You need only to breathe.

Your guilt is unwarranted. Your feeling bad for feeling bad will only add insult to injury. Your apologies will fall on deaf ears anyway. Your covering up and shrinking and hiding and hoping to go unnoticed will only call attention to yourself. Your judgement from yourself, to yourself, about yourself, will only drain you of the energy needed to survive.

So live. And breathe. And feel. And cry. And cope. And clutch your chest. And feel your heart beat. And quiet the voice. And listen to the breath. And give yourself a little credit for surviving (even when it feels anything but), passing no judgement on whether your feelings are what they are "supposed to be" in this moment, on this day, in this time frame, for this reason. Stop resisting. This is happening and you.are.surviving. And that is all that you have to do right now. You will find a way. You always do. You always have.

Tomorrow will come and the sun will rise and your heart will beat, and you will be one day stronger. And it may not feel like a lot, and your problems may not be solved, but survival is half the battle. And there is strength in numbers. And life will get better when you least expect it. Not because your situation changed. But because you are surviving. And you will know when the time is right. And you will catch yourself doing that thing that you forgot how to do. You will smile, or you will laugh, or you will lay down your hurt accidentally, and feel lighter for just a moment. And it is in those tiny, quick, often fleeting moments, that you will remind yourself - that you MUST remind yourself - that things are changing, and that you have - and that you always will - survive this.

How to Find Yourself When you Feel Lost

Wardrobe before and after

There's an awful lot of people telling you what you should do, what you must wear, what looks best on you at your age, what jobs you must go after for a good living, where you should live, what you should eat, etc. There's so many shoulds and musts and have tos and "recommendations" that it can be hard to remember what it is that you actually enjoy - in clothes and food and careers and life and love. In fact, I'd say it's ridiculously easy to lose your path, your individuality, your thoughts, your uniqueness, your you, in today's world. Obviously, from my last post, you know that I have some experience getting lost in the shoulds and coulds and musts of the world and that finding my own path is often daunting. But, I have succeeded at times, in hearing that little voice inside - the one that tells me who I am and what I love and I've followed it more often than not. The problem sometimes, is not that we can't remember who we are and what brings us actual fulfillment and joy - it's that the voices outside of us, the ones trying to put us on the path they think is best for us, are often stronger than our own, so we concede. But I've found, that taking even the tiniest steps to honoring who you are and what you love will propel you into the right direction. You just have to listen and honor, and they will grow stronger. I promise. So where do you start?

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

Photo Credit: Eva Lin Photography

Maybe you've noticed my absence on most of social media. Maybe you have not. But apart from a post here or there, I have largely spent time away from Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and my blog. It's no coincidence that my last post was about a book that I said was changing my life. It truly did. It has. It still very much is. Present over Perfect made me step back - from social media, from my clutter, from the everyday frantic chaos I have created and lived in for the majority of my life and has made me re-evaluate. Re-evaluation of one's life is totally overwhelming, anxiety-inducing, question-producing, and frankly, kind of hard. But it's what I've been doing. On top of it all, I've been unexplainably sick. Sick to my stomach, exhausted, debilitated, nauseous, dizzy, with vertigo-like symptoms that have knocked me out and left me in bed for much longer than I've admitted to anyone - conjuring up memories and similarities of when I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease years ago (one that has been largely in check for so long). To feel a downward spiral in my health lately is emotionally taxing to say the least, on top of the physical symptoms that persist.

So I apologize - for my absence, for my unpredictability and unresponsive nature. Maybe it is no coincidence that I am experiencing these overwhelmingly physical symptoms at the same time that I am experiencing a turn in my life professionally and mentally. My love still remains strong for my wonderful boyfriend, my family, and my friends closest to me - but there needs to be a change in some aspects of my life, and I am in the process of transitioning from one venture to another. No wonder I'm feeling dizzy and exhausted, right?

The Book That Is Changing My Life

I love to read. Instead of long stories, with plot twists and characters and timelines and such, I thoroughly enjoy reading books that will help me in some way. I don't read to escape - although an awesome reason to read - I read to improve some aspect of my life that I know needs some fixing. I love a self help book, or a true story, or a recount of someone's mistakes and how they fixed them so that I too can make changes in my life, business, and work. But, lately, and especially in my world of yoga teaching, there is a surge of books on abstract ideas like manifesting, and attracting, and healing one's self through energy work alone, that I'm not connecting with as I did before. As I've stated in previous posts, I have become disenchanted with this world of coaches and leaders and teachers talking in this realm of intangible because of where I am in my life. I need hard evidence right now. I need the acknowledgement of the sludge and the dirt and the grit of life, and I need to see the triumphs of the changes taking place. I need to not coat words in sugary sweetness in order to make them pretty. I want the stories of women and men who were in the trenches and came out renewed by making real, tangible choices and changes.

What to do When You're Waiting

Waiting kind of sucks, right? Whether we're waiting for the right job to come, or the right guy to show up, or the purpose of your life to become clear, or the perfect home to buy - waiting is the worst. To make matters harder to bear, we feel ready - so ready - for that thing, that person, that path to show up; we've done the work, we've got lots to offer, we just need that missing component. But the thing about these big life happenings, is that we can't force it - but we usually try. I have some experience in waiting - and well, I know it's the worst - so I've had to develop some coping skills because I'm sort of the worst at the wait.

Sometimes it's OK to Not be OK

Photo Credit: Eva Lin Photography

My girl. My Ryleygirl. My fur ball, my child, my little one, my baby girl. She found me in the dead of winter, wandering around in search of food, icicles hanging from her fur, and has been a staple in my life ever since then - literally keeping me together through all kinds of things. She gave me purpose when I quit my job, at a time when my marriage was falling apart without me having conscious knowledge of it. I woke every morning feeling lonely and called her onto the bed, when my then-husband was away on business trips for long periods of time, and we'd snuggle and I'd sing to her, and I would thank God out loud for her in those moments. She carried me through my divorce, and the period of intense sadness and depression after I found myself alone, without an income, and single for the first time in years. I'd call her onto my sister's bed in my parent's basement where I stayed, as I struggled to keep the sobbing from beginning every morning as I wandered what would become of our lives. She'd snuggle me and sniff my tears because she's never licked anyone's face since the day I got her, and she'd lay there with me, fur soaked in tears and I thanked God for her outloud for her in those moments. She became my companion and roommate as I moved us into a new place, my very first time living alone, without parents or human roomies or significant others, nervous to take on the bills all by myself. I'd call her onto my bed each morning as I woke up at 4:30am for work, sadness coming from her eyes as she knew I was leaving for another 12+ hours for work, me telling her I'd be back before she knew it, knowing it would be a long day for us both, and I thanked God for her in those moments. She faithfully tagged along, without question or fear, promising to protect me, as I purchased my very first home a year ago, making the best out of what very little yard I have for her to utilize (her first time without grass all around). And to this day, I call her onto my bed each morning in this home after my boyfriend leaves for work, and she slowly wakes from her crate, taking a couple tries to get her hips and legs to propel her onto my big bed, and I once again sing to her, and snuggle her, and talk to her about our day of not having to rush out the door for a day job anymore, and I thank God outloud for her in these moments. She is my rock, my companion, my constant, my all and my heart bursts when I look at her face each day wondering how I could ever live without her - a thought that has weighed heavy on me for days now.

10 Ways to Have a Better Morning (from a recovering morning-hater)

Photo Credit: Lovely Day Events Pittsburgh Photography
Makeup: Hope Star Makeup

Mornings suck - well the waking up part does - especially if you're headed to work, or somewhere you really don't want to go. We feel like there's not enough time in the day, we're never at home, we're always rushing somewhere, our bed is super comfy, and we really just don't wanna adult today. So we fight mornings tooth and nail and we generally sabotage our days before they've even begun. If you're wondering what I know about mornings, given that I work nights shifts as a bartender now, trust me - I have had my fair share of early wake ups and experience in this category. Before 2015, I spent 6 years waking up at 4:30am to leave my house by 5:30 to drive an hour to my job. And when I got really dedicated, I began waking at 3:30am to workout before having to get ready at 4:30am for work. So, I have some experience in the morning routine, and I have some things I put into practice to make every morning a little bit better.

4 Winter Mimosa Recipes for Brunch This Weekend

Photo Credit: Lovely Day Pittsburgh Photography

Brunch is literally my favorite meal ever. I love waking up slow on the weekend and eating something awesome that I'd never have time for, or bother putting effort into, on the weekdays. Hello chicken and waffles! Pancakes! Breakfast Quesadillas! You get the point. Brunch is the perfect chance to set the pace of the weekend - chill and fun. You can brunch alone, brunch with your kids, brunch with your boyfriend, or brunch with friends. The options are endless, just like I like my mimosas. And speaking of.....why not spice up the brunch staple with a new recipe this weekend?

Mimosas are easy, in my opinion because you don't have to exactly measure everything - just eyeball the glass and work with that. I don't bother measuring too much because it doesn't seem necessary and I have waffles to eat - I can't be slowed down. I err on the side of 1/3 of the glass filled with champagne, 2/3 OJ and a splash of cherry juice, if I'm making a regular mimosa. I like to keep my recipes for any mimosa as simple as the standard. Tailor the recipe to your liking - and don't stress about the exact measurements, it's brunch after all. If you want more champagne, then add more champagne. It's the weekend - anything goes. Check out the recipes below and mix up your brunch this weekend.

How to Feel Loved When You Are Alone

Photo Credit: Lovely Day Pittsburgh
Makeup: Hope Star Makeup

People are alone for many reasons. People are single because of a break-up, a death, a divorce, or simply because they have chosen to be alone for the time being. Some people are celebrating their single-dom and some people are wallowing, while others are kind of indifferent. Often times though, when you're newly single, for whatever reason - it can feel like the entire world is partnered up and you are at home watching Gilmore Girls, talking to your dog, and eating take-out in the same sweat pants you've worn for 3 days (not that I'm um, talking from experience or anything). Some days being alone is awesome - hello to not sharing the covers, eating whatever you want, doing whatever you want, listening to whatever you want, not putting away your laundry immediately, etc - but sometimes it's just plain overwhelming. Some days it feels like your someone doesn't exist and all you really want is your someone - someone to tell your day to that isn't your Mom or you dog, someone to cry to when you don't want to be strong, someone to cook when you're too tired, someone to steal the covers, someone to make you laugh, someone to sit across the table from, someone to tell you that you are loved.  What do you do though, with that time in between, when your person hasn't arrived and you're sick of wallowing, tired of waiting?

10 Ways to Stop Anxiety and Find Peace

Photo Credit: Lovely Day Pittsburgh Photography

It shows up at the worst of times. It tells us we are inadequate, we can't do it, we can't make it, we should turn around and go home. It's the aching in the chest, the pounding of the heart, the knot in the stomach and the weakness in the body. It stops us from sleep, from events, from love, and from life. It ranges from big to small, from butterflies to dinosaurs. It comes unannounced and stays for too long. Anxiety. It's never wanted, and it's often for seemingly no reason.

As someone who was born with anxiety coursing through my veins, I have about 34 years of experience with all types of anxiety. There's the anxiety over things that I see in the movies that will most likely never happen to me or the ones I love. There's the anxiety that I don't belong where I am. The anxiety that I will never accomplish my dreams. The anxiety that I'm not prepared enough, not good enough, not working hard enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not fit enough, not trying enough, not enough enough. Then there's the anxiety I picked up after my marriage suddenly fell apart. The anxiety of not being aware enough. The anxiety that my world could fall apart without notice. The anxiety that I am unwanted. The anxiety that I could've done more. The anxiety that I made the wrong choice. The anxiety that I am not worth being loved. The anxiety of loss. Oh the anxiety of loss - of being so terrified of losing someone or something that I love so much that I developed weird habits of hanging on to the wrong ones, the wrong jobs, the wrong things in life just to create stability. The anxiety. So much anxiety.

Anxiety finds us triggered by random things - the smell in the air as the leaves turn from green to shades of orange. The turn of the page in our planner as time moves forward and we stand still. The look in someone's eyes as their emotions change. The sound of a song floating through the air. The passing of a storefront on the way to our home. The swipe of our finger on the screen of our phone through pictures and status updates. The silence of the night as darkness weighs heavy on our skin and the clock ticks softly.

For someone that struggles with over-active anxiety, it can be debilitating, mind-numbing, distracting, and all encompassing. There's got to be a way out, there's got to be a stop button, an off switch, an end. Having some experience in this area, I have developed surefire ways to stop my anxiety, or at least distract the butterflies and the dinosaurs until they get bored and retreat. Some I can do from where ever I am, at any time. Some I need to be at home. But they all have one thing in common: they help. Maybe you'll find something in the list below that helps you too.

When Life's Not Perfect

I struggled today to write. I sat here at this computer for 3 hours writing and re-writing. I felt pressure, so I looked for inspiration. I turned on the tv. I turned off the tv. I looked at Pinterest. I X-ed out of Pinterest. I wrote 3 articles. I deleted them. I saved one. I scrapped the rest. I felt worried. I ate food. I talked to Ryley. I did some laundry. I struggled to write today.

You Really Should Be Celebrating

Photo credit: Lovely Day Pittsburgh 

Celebrating. We sometimes do it way too much - for others. And we certainly don't do it enough - for ourselves. We attend parties and events and happy hours and dinners and celebrations for those around us all the time, but rarely do we take a moment to celebrate ourselves. Hard things happen everyday. We conquer fears and overcome obstacles and hit tiny goals for ourselves all the time, but when was the last time you stopped and rewarded yourself for that? 

It's time.

Monday Mantra: January 30, 2017

Today, and the past few days, I have woken with anxiety in my stomach and worry in my heart for the world. I cannot shake this underlying subtle feeling of fear that lurks just beneath the surface of every Facebook post, conversation, and news article. With the new president making quick changes, and the world showing it's anger in very active ways, it is hard to turn down the fear and turn up the peace.

Words soaked in heavy emotion sway me one way in one article, and then quickly take me another way in another article. The world, right now, is an intense place for the souls who are highly sensitive to the energy around us. And while I agree with so many of you, I realize that living in a state of anxiety every day is not the way to live. I do not believe in sticking my head in the sand and pretending that real issues are not happening around me, but I do believe in compartmentalizing and taking action one moment and returning to a peaceful state the next - for myself and for those around me.

When we live in fear consistently, we spread it around us. Fear radiates from our bodies and it spills onto those around us - to our children, our friends, our pets, our loved ones, and to those we do not know. Protests and shouting and writing angry words can help to change the things happening, but there is another way to create change in our immediate environment. So today - today I choose peace. Today, I realize that the United States, and the world around us, is in a precarious time. But, today I understand that change can begin with me. So today - today, I choose peace over fear. I focus on peace beginning at my very core, in my heart, and from my home. Today, I breathe peace and I show peace to everyone I meet through my actions, my words, and my presence.

Peace within me. 

Peace around me. 

Today I am at peace.

(Repeat, repeat, repeat when fear begins to creep in)

How to "Just Let Go"

If you're going through some stuff right now, chances are someone has told you, or you have read in books, to just "let it go" (and maybe you have wanted to cause them bodily harm for saying so). Maybe you've gone to yoga class, or to therapy, or to church, and been told to "release and move on". But how? How does one cope with having someone/something one day and wake up without it the next? How do you "just let go and move on"? How does that work? I was told these things, I have told myself these things, I have read these things, I have heard these things - and I had questions, so many questions. I've done some research of my own - as in, I just did everything and anything that I could/read/was told - and I can say with great certainty that one thing helped me recover and let go of my loss faster than anything.

Yoga for Sleep

Our days can be tough to wind down from, often leaving us staring at the ceiling, trying to go to sleep at some ungodly hour, counting the time we have left to actually sleep before the alarm goes off. Yoga is a great way to calm the mind and signal to the body that it's time for rest. This nightly routine takes just about ten minutes and can be done by anyone, regardless of your experience AND it can be done in your bedroom, on your bed if you'd like, in your pajamas. Try to shut off the "am I doing this right?" demons that live in your heads, and to settle into each posture for about 2 minutes each (or whatever feels like 2 minutes). Main goal: don't stress too hard. Make it a little routine. Make it an event, making it special if you can, by lighting a candle. Make it your nightly ritual for a week or two* and see if it helps you fall asleep quicker than usual.

15 Things to by Yourself on the Weekends

Photo cred: Eva Lin Photography

Growing up, I always had built-in playmates in my sister and my neighbors; and in grade school and high school, I was blessed to have good friends. Once college hit, I took some time to "find myself" and eventually joined a sorority. And then fresh out of college, I met my (now ex) husband. Fast forward to age 30 where I found myself, for the first time, alone. Everyone around me had started creating their little families, bringing children into the world and building houses and moving away while I was finding myself back in my parent's house, single and alone for what felt like the first time in my life. I cried every single weekend, and felt relief every Monday morning. Weekends have that effect when you're suddenly single, or have been and are trying to find a new way of life. What do you do when you're alone on the weekends?

Why YOU Need a Thunder Shirt

After my ex-husband left our marriage, I was forced to move into my parent's basement with little left to my name except 2 suitcases full of clothes. I slept in my sister's bed and my two cats and one dog, all slept in that room too. We had very little, but we were safe. At the time, the thought of just opening my suitcase to pick out something to wear induced tears - big tears - the kind that splash when they meet a surface, and there was really no telling when they'd end. Every piece of clothing reminded me of my old life, so I took to wearing my sister's sweatpants around the house most days, and buying a piece of clothing here and there if I really needed it. That's how I found my Thunder Shirt.

Monday Mantra: Week of January 16, 2017

Us humans are weird little creatures, aren't we? We're skeptical of things that can bring about a positive change in our lives, especially if there isn't tangible evidence, like medical backing, that proves its validity. This is the case with mantras. We don't always want to believe that changing the way we speak to ourselves could actually bring about change, so we don't bother with it.

Simply put, in our western world - and for the purpose of this website, a mantra is a group of words that we use to set an intention, or cultivate a feeling in ourselves. It is a set of words that we repeat to ourselves to bring about a feeling of positive energy. Words like "I am focused" or "I am strong", can be used as a mantra in settings where we need to conjure up that energy in ourselves when we feel weak or scattered.

Overcome or Become

When tragedy strikes, we have two choices: we can become or we can overcome. There is no gray area, no middle ground, no limbo that we can live in once loss has happened. Any choice but to grow from the experience is a choice to become the sadness, the pain, the loss, the tragedy. Maybe that sounds harsh - maybe you'll say "well she never experienced the loss that I did, so she cannot understand" - and maybe you would be right. But I did experience a loss of my own - the deepest pain I have felt to date and the hardest hit I have taken in life - so I'm somewhat versed in the loss department.  So maybe, it sounds harsh - the idea that we choose to stay in sadness or to move past it. And I'd say - yes it is pretty harsh.